Caregiver Syndrome

Welcome back! 

I am married to a Marine and Navy Reservist. He retired a few years ago after nearly 30 years of service. I am very proud of him and all he stands for and has done in his life. Unfortunately, during this time, he suffered injuries that resulted in having to 'retire.' He is now a 100% disabled veteran, and I am his caregiver.  I am incredibly blessed to have him in my life, and as my husband, and grateful I get to spend every day with him.

Two years ago, my mother had a massive stroke. The clot literally split in two and went right AND left. She is an overachiever. For a while, I was her mother. Literally, she called me "mother."  When I was back to "Andrea" she spoke to me as if I was a four-year-old.  I never knew who I was or my age until she began speaking. She has dementia but has improved enough to live in her home (three houses away from mine with cameras and audio throughout) with part-time assistance (me). I care for her and her home and lawn.

I let myself go for a while in the beginning, immediately following her stroke. She was verbally and physically abusive, and this took a toll on me. I was still working full-time (from home) and caring for 2 adults, 2 dogs, 2 houses, AND work. That was too much.  

It is okay to have some me-time. Self-care is not selfish-care. Carve out a schedule allowing you daily moments to recharge and weekly moments for an extended time to do nothing.

I tried reading but found that listening to audiobooks made my time much less stressful (although I wonder why). While listening to the reader, my eyes were usually closed, or I would wear a mud mask (eyes still closed). This became a must every single night. It took a while to make this a habit, but now it's part of the routine and rarely broken. Additionally, I will have a show on TV; during the show, I would plop down and do yoga, Pilates, or planks. Amazingly, I have lovely arms with biceps and all for the first time in my life!

Watch your diet during this time, too. I don't mean diet as in losing weight. I mean diet, as in eating healthy, quality food to sustain you.

Take advantage of your local and state agencies for assistance. If you are a churchgoer, let the pastor know you need assistance. They may have people who can help an hour a week or
a couple of hours a month to give you a break.

Don't let the caregiver syndrome get you. Ask your family and friends for assistance or ideas on how to get help. Create a posse of helpers.

You got this!

Stay happy, healthy and safe. 

 *Picture from Canva